Monday, December 27, 2010

Hawt and bawd.

I'm now 40+2 and waiting somewhat impatiently for this baby to arrive.

Everyone keeps texting Court and I to ask if anything has happened. I ignore the texts, but Court is nicer and replies to each one.

The weather is ridiculous. This is the third day it will be about 40 degrees and I'm over having the air conditioner running non-stop, but I'm not going to turn it off and allow this little box of heat to warm up.

Both of us just want to head down south for a few days of relief from the heat, but.....obviously we have to sit around here and wait this baby out. I now have a strong feeling it will have to be induced.

Tuesday, December 14, 2010

Chewsday.

Yesterday I was TIRED. I thought it could have been a big day (by my standards) on Sunday, not enough sleep etc. I left work at lunch time and came home to have a snooze.

Today I've taken the day off to rest up some more. I slept for nearly ten hours last night. And so I think that this third trimester has caught up with me. With only a couple of weeks to go. I certainly feel like my mobility has changed in the past few days: more grunting when I move, a much larger effort required to roll over in bed.

I need to take it squeezy, but I'm already thinking of everything that needs to be done around the house. I might make a list. And check it twice. It's that time of year, after all.

Last night we had a little band Christmas catch-up in a park. It was nice to see everyone again, but I was a bit groggy from my nap and I felt a bit out of it.

Friday, December 10, 2010

Ramblings

Well, time has flown since the last time I blogged. But it feels like it's dragging.

I'm just too impatient.

I've taken the day off for a midwife appointment at lunch time. Fridays are really slow at work and I have a few sick days saved up, so what the heck, right? Good news is that there are only four days of work left and I'm going to make it! I'm feeling pretty good and not really tired at work, although my fat ankles look pretty unappealing.

I got my hair done for the last time BC last night. Today I'm having coffee with my friend Jacq...hopefully finishing Christmas shopping...dinner with Ma tonight...I feel like I have a countdown and a whole lot of things to accomplish in the next couple of weeks. It's weird.

I feel this baby will come early (although that could just be me hoping like crazy), but at the same time, I don't really feel any different so I don't envisage labour starting any time soon.

While I'm in Subi today, it just so happens I'll be near the shop that sells THAT nappy bag. What's a girl to do? I'll have to check it out...

Court and I put up our Christmas tree the other night. I feel silly putting it up because I feel like Christmas will be in limbo this year. We'll probably end up spending the day on the couch like any other lazy day of the year. That sort of thinking doesn't stop me from really really hoping that we'll have a little babe to put under the tree and take a photo of on Christmas morning. That would make me the happiest girl in the world. Completely overjoyed.

I haven't bought a Christmas present for the baby. I feel a bit silly doing it if it doesn't arrive in time. I haven't bought one for Court either. He said he was happy with me giving him a baby, but I don't know if he is satisfied with that or if he would like a Blu Ray disc too.

Tuesday, November 23, 2010

Cankles and whatnot

I haven't blogged in a fair while. I was going to last week, but I sat here staring blankly at the screen with no idea of what to say.

This time around isn't really much better, but I thought I should write something this month.

Court has been at work all day and he won't be home until after I'm in bed tonight. I've just been pottering around, watering the garden, doing some washing and resting my big lumpy belly and tired feet.

In the past two weeks I've noticed my ankles starting to swell. It's only minimal so far, but enough for me to buy a pair of comfy sandals this afternoon. Sandals that I can slip on and off without buckling, because I can't reach my feet on the ground.

So. Sew. Sow. We've a little under five weeks until this baby is due. I can't really put into words how excited and impatient I am. I'm also nervous that I will have to stop work early because I will be too tired. I'm also petrified about having a gorgeous little thing dependent on me for life.

Friday, October 29, 2010

Stuff we haven't done

There are a few things. We still have eight (ish) weeks, but I think the common thing is to have everything ready to go in about four to six weeks.

Our baby's room is still a spare room. We were going to paint it.

I haven't sold the dresser that should be vacating that room. I haven't done a lot of other things.

We're going to be busy.

I was given the week off work by the doctor and by my lovely colleagues. Last night I felt that I'm finally starting to come good, so next week I'll be back at work, thanking everyone for covering me - in particular, the poor person that had to do the class in which my student was giving a speech.

I get so blue when I'm sick, but I absolutely love the 'getting better' feeling. It fills me with positivity, even though my nose is still a bit snotty and I still have a hacking cough.

Yesterday I found the baby sling I want online AND I found someone selling a brand new one on eBay for less than half the price. I never have that sort of eBay luck! It has about three days to go and I hope no one else has their eye on it as well.

I also found a most beautiful nappy bag. It's totally extravagant and over the top and has a price to match. $190. None on eBay unfortunately. That's it up there. Pretty, right?

It's funny. As much as I covet that bag and many other pretty and pricey things, I do have a strong, conscious sense of being less materialistic than usual. I know I'll have to be in the coming months and perhaps that's why I'm losing it now. I feel that as long as we can provide basic needs for ourselves and our child, we'll be okay.

Saturday, October 23, 2010

Another effing cold? Fo shiz, body?

I don't like whingers and I don't like whinging, but I'm pretty pissed off with my body at the moment.

I'm getting sick again. AGAIN. What the eff?! This one feels chesty.

Should I cut my body some slack? It is doing an exceptional baby-growing job, after all. Okay, body, you're forgiven. I'll shower you with nothing but love (and warm soapy water) this weekend and hopefully you'll come good.

Aside from that, life is good. We have nine weeks to go until our baby gets ready to move out of my ute and into our house. I'm feeling good - not tired yet - and still coping fine with work.

We've had two antenatal classes so far. I've found both of them really informative and reassuring. I appreciate how experienced the midwives are. And they all seem to be English. Weird. We watched a video of a lady giving birth this week. It was strange because it was from the Netherlands, so English was overdubbed. It was also a little bit gross. Just a little bit. Mostly it was quite nice.

Tuesday, September 28, 2010

12.5 weeks...

....roughly, until we have a new member of our family. This startling fact has prompted us to get responsible and start behaving like the good adults we are.

I've drawn up a long list of things we need to get done (mostly around the house) and we're finally doing them. This isn't just a spring cleaning list though - this is an extreme list of stuff I should have done years ago. Home and contents insurance? Bought yesterday. Car insurance? That's today's job. I was proud as punch to do my tax return MYSELF a couple of days ago.

It's full steam ahead.

My parents are coming up next week so Dad can direct Court on how to build a pergola. I think Mum thinks us girls will do fun things like shopping, but we have a garden in need of some attention and a house in need of ship-shaping.

I'm actually enjoying getting this done and I've learnt how to list things for sale on eBay.

Saturday, September 18, 2010

It's been a busy few days.

I went to Yalls last weekend for my sister's 25th. It was lovely to have a little weekend away from the city with her and my parents.

The week always seems to zoom by; on Monday morning I have no plans and by the evening the week is fully booked.

Court had his album launch last night. I can't even put into words how proud I am of him and the other boys and how proud I hope they are of themselves. They've all worked so hard and last night it really showed. Everything sounded brilliant and the stage looked super. I wish life was like a film and I could say "all their hard work paid off" because a record company executive was there and he signed the boys immediately and then threw handfuls of cash at them. But if success isn't defined in a monetary sense, then judging by the enjoyment of the crowd, the way they hung around for a drink afterwards and the happy energy in the room - I'd say all their hard work did pay off.

And so, I bought a notebook two weeks ago to start my pregnancy journal in....It's still sitting on the kitchen bench, devoid of any ink. My pregnancy yoga DVD is still sitting in the study, where I freed it from its postage envelope. And I'm still sitting here, hoping I have enough cash to take my very talented husband out for brunch.

Tuesday, September 7, 2010

Sick of being sick

I've been off work for two days this week, two days last week. It sucks balls. At least I'm finally feeling slightly human and a whole lot less sorry for myself today.

I've just read about this man named Dallas Clayton. He decided to write and illustrate a book for his son about dreaming big. It's wonderful. I bought a copy. You should have a look at it here: http://www.veryawesomeworld.com/awesomebook/inside.html

Then I emailed my mum and told her she should start doing children's books again. She used to make them when my siblings and I were little and we loved reading them.

Saturday, September 4, 2010

The weeds are gonna get it.

I've decided to devote this entire first weekend of spring to the garden. It looks super bad with tall weeds everywhere, but I'm going to fix it all up and make it spiffy.

The only other plans I have are breakfast with my-friend-Kate this morning. After that, look out weeds!

If I'm doing well, I might even put some new seeds in the vegetable garden.

On an entirely different note: many people have been telling me to keep a pregnancy diary that I can look back on in years to come. Until thirty seconds ago, I was going to do it here, but now I'm thinking I might write it all down in a notebook. Yeah, that's what I'll do.

Sunday, August 29, 2010

My garden calls shenanigans

It's not as sunny as I would like a Sunday morning to be, but it has blue sky so it has promise. It's nice and quiet.

According to the title of my blog, I'm a fan of spending hours in my garden. According to my garden, I'm a big fat liar.

It's all overgrown with horrible weeds at the moment. I haven't set foot out there in a good few weeks.....or months....

So, today. The one day when I'm really feeling positive about getting out there and getting my hands dirty and possibly planting some spring vegetables.

It's not going to happen because I have to go to a wedding. I love weddings. I've said it before. However. This is the wedding of two people I've never met. I'm invited because my husband is singing a song for them.

Today is the one day when I'd prefer to be at home than at a wedding. I shocked myself just typing that.

...also, I feel like a fatty fat-fat and I have to find something to wear and look decent and I can't have a couple of glasses of champagne to get a buzz on...

Saturday, August 21, 2010

Another Saturday morning

This morning I slept until 9. That's pretty crazy for me. My sleep-ins are good when I wake at 7.30. As soon as I woke, our baby started hammering away in my ute. Going nuts! I pulled up my t-shirt to have a look and my belly was moving this way and that. It's a super nice feeling. I think it was hungry (we have so much in common!), so we ate and now we're enjoying a coffee before heading off to do Saturdayish things.

On today's to-do?

1. Voting
2. Kmart for some maternity wear
3. Post office
4. Exercise with my new pelvic floor workout DVD
5. Clean house

....and if I still have energy

6. Hang with best-friend-Kes tonight.

Saturday, August 14, 2010

Kransky at the market

One of the best things about Saturday morning is the farmers market in Bentley. Heaps of food stalls supplying breakfast and coffee for the masses, farm-fresh fruit and veg, preserves, potted plants, cheese and a raffle to raise money for the Old Boys at Clontarf.

My best-friend-Kes and I are heading there this morning for a kransky in a bun at the German food stand. I love their huge frying pan and the smells that emanate from within it. Kes wants to try the potato spiral on a stick. It looks like one long swirly potato chip. Last time I gorged on an almond croissant, a curry puff and a freshly squeezed juice.

I sound like the Very Hungry Caterpillar.

Sunday, August 8, 2010

Reading my friend Rhona's blog this morning made me realise that I've been blazy (blog-lazy). Six weeks since I last wrote something. The thing is, I don't feel like I have anything to say. Anything interesting.

It is a beautiful Sunday today. Full of promise at 9am, plenty for me to do. I'll probably still be sitting here at 11, dreaming of a sunny picnic with champagne, pink-iced cupcakes and a cheeseboard.

Here are some pregnancy things that I find sort of interesting. You probably won't, but someone told me I should be keeping a diary about my pregnancy, so here are a couple of things I can look back on:

1. My bottom has been getting numb a whole lot quicker when I'm sitting down. I think I've only put on about three or four kilos so far, so it can't be the weight.

2. This bay-beh doesn't appreciate me slouching and squashing my belly area. It gets all handsy and footsy when its room gets downsized.

3. Not particularly interesting but I feel I should remember it for next time: Eating foods on the Listeria list makes me feel super guilty and then I end up having bad dreams. Not worth the unserene night's sleep.

That's all I have. I'm considering leaving my pajamas for a shower and doing a few loads of washing today. Maybe. If someone takes me for a picnic.

Sunday, June 27, 2010

In the wise words of Chad Kroeger....

....It's been a while.

Nearly three months since I last blogged. The one main reason is that I have a bun in the oven and I didn't want to say anything about it before the twelve week period was over. I still could've written things, but pretty much all I was thinking was babies and all I was feeling was tired and nauseous. There wasn't room to think of anything else.

Now I'm at fourteen weeks and apparently all is well in there. I'm slowly starting to freak out less and think about other things more, but it's all still quite strange.

So obviously no big travel-trip for us at the end of the year. Neither of us felt like it would happen anyway. We both had little, niggling, 'too awesome a holiday to be true' thoughts about it. However, I still feel a bit of a loss there. I still really want to travel overseas and now I feel like we may never get there. I don't really have qualms about travelling with a baby either. It just feels like we'll never have the money to take a trip.

Saturday, April 3, 2010

need to post

I felt a need to blog today...but I'm not sure what I should talk about. I usually ramble on about everything. There are many topics that could be aired out today, so I'm going to give a brief run-down on each.

In no particular order:

1. The Subi farmers' markets are the SHIZ. Nice, lazy atmosphere, GREAT coffee and delicious edibles.

2. My sister is the raddest sister in the world. She surprised me with her presence at after work drinks on Thursday and spent a wonderful twenty-four hours with us.

3. I'm enjoying shortening words and mashing them together at the moment. It makes me sound like the uncoolest fourteen year old you know, but it is fun to do. 'Ridiculous' has become 'ridic' and 'I have clean hair' has become 'I have clair'.

4. Step Up for MS is happening in a month and I have a team of four called New Kids On The Block.....'Step By Step'....get it....yeah, I'm pretty proud of our name.

Tuesday, March 23, 2010

Unsleek...

....is how my car is looking. It shows me up as the uncaring Merc owner I am. Court is convinced I caused the storm because I'm so irresponsible with my automobile.

Saturday, March 13, 2010

Dream Shopping

I've just been dream shopping online. I bought a bag and a winter hat.

It's somewhat satisfying to go pretend shopping when you're trying to save money. But do you know what is hard? Actually going shopping after months of saving. I get an uncomfortable feeling, like I really shouldn't be spending any money.

It's a good thing I'm not allowed any real shopping for another few months.

Friday, March 5, 2010

Kerrrrrrristmas

I haven’t emptied my head yet.

I’m really looking forward to our holiday at the end of this year. Really. I’m excited about being away for Christmas.

About being overseas for the FIRST time.

About being away for a decent length of time.

About visiting interesting places.

My excitement is possibly the only thing keeping my head screwed on and my feelings buoyant at the moment.

(My cat is snoring beside me)

When I was driving home today I was thinking about Christmas and, in particular, the gift-giving thing. I may be crucified for saying this (ahaha – Christmas joke).....I’m not a big fan.

I love making people happy. It’s not that I’m nasty or tight-fisted.

I just get a yukky feeling about how much money is spent. By everyone. I feel stressed when buying gifts: ‘Will they like it? Just in case they don’t, I’ll get them another thing’.

Opening presents seems to take so long that it feels like a chore and not like a joyous handing over of gratefulness at all.

And do you know what else? I was spring cleaning a couple of months ago and I have SO MUCH STUFF. I have stuff I’d forgotten about. I really do not need more things.

I would dearly love to have gift-free Christmases. Gatherings of family and friends for a delicious meal and delightful conversation. That’s all I want for Christmas.

flat.

I’m having a rough trot at the moment. No, not rough. Flat. I went through a cranky couple of weeks and now I’ve progressed to ‘flat’. I don’t know what’s wrong with me. I’ve been thinking that it could be because I’m about to lose two of my favourite people at work to the world of babies. It still could be that.

It could also be the fact that I’ve been busy each weekend with things and I just want a break.

It could be that I need to get out and do some exercise.

Who knows....

I’ve had an interesting week. I had to interpret an improv show that I hadn’t realised was going to be on. Not that you can prepare for improv. Prepare for the unexpected? Prepare to be unprepared? It was a good show – really quite funny – and I tandemmed (that looks made up, but I say it all the time and it sounds normal) with my favourite work buddy.....she knows who she is!

Later that same day, a colleague really got my goat. Rather than bottling my frustration and using it to fuel a bitch session with the girls in the office that afternoon, I let him have it then and there. It was inappropriate to go off like that in the corridor at lunch time. I mean, I’m not one for screaming and yelling and stomping my foot, but there were kids around that would have heard what I said. Not cool.

It’s funny how different a day can become. I sorted out my issue with the colleague. I felt slightly ashamed and slightly liberated. It was a weird old day.

Now it’s Friday night. I’m dreading the busy of the weekend.

Our modem has fritzed, so I haven’t been online to read the blogs that I adore for some time. This evening I caught up with them. It was comforting and interesting to read that people on the other side of the world had similar feelings about things.

Saturday, February 20, 2010

It's hard to hook up my mobile so I can blog from there

I keep waking up to a super clean kitchen, courtesy of my brilliant husband. This morning he left choc chip cookies too.

All I want to do right now is take a photo and upload it, but I can't seem to get the mobile blogger working.

Oh. Well.

I feel like I've been a busy bee this week. The river cruise was easy and I arrived home at 11.....and then I baked baby quiches until 2. I take our department's morning tea duty very seriously. We have always thrown one of the best Fat Arse Friday morning teas and I wasn't going to let it go this time. The secret to a good morning tea is this: little foods, lots of them (quantity and variety) and home-made.

Many other people run out of time and purchase a round of cheese and some crackers, amongst other things. While I adore cheese, it is awkward and time-consuming for the consumer and it is much better with a glass of wine.

Anyway ---- my late night paid off. It was a fabulous spread.

Tomorrow is Sunday. That means a baby shower for the beautiful Viv and her beautiful bump. I'm going to make baby quiches and baby cupcakes for the event. It should be a wonderful little afternoon tea with about twenty of Viv's favourite ladies. I'm looking forward to it.

For now, I'm going to relax a little and enjoy this Saturday morning.

Wednesday, February 17, 2010

Where I really should be

...is in the shower. I am ever so sluggish this morning. It must have been the wine I had last night. Drinking the night before always makes it harder to get up in the morning.

This is my third week back at work. It lost its shine pretty quickly. I've been a bit cranky this week and I'm determined to change that today. I feel the funk lifting. I've been busy busy busy since being back at school. I'm trying to save as much money as possible for our holiday, so I've put my name at the top of the list to tackle all the interpreting outside of school hours.

Basically, I'll be attending a whole lotta disco cruises. The music is truly terrible on these things. I've thought about taking my iPod, but my job is to listen....and not to the glorious tunes I've downloaded. Sometimes I go and request tunes from the DJ. Often I'll ask him to play Come On Eileen just to confuse the kids. Most of the DJs they hire don't have it, but some do.

That said, it is an easy way to make money. I basically sit there and chat to my interpreter friend for three hours. If I'm lucky I also get a free can of soft drink.

Yeah, you all want my job now, right? Free soft drink? Bring. It. On.

Sunday, February 7, 2010

my weekend brings all the boys to the yard...

Yesterday was super great.

I woke up with no plans. By lunch time, I had decided to go and do Jacob's Ladder in Kings Park with my great-mate-Kate. We went down and up three times and then walked through the park for forty minutes or so. A suggestion from Court turned into a late lunch high tea at the Duxton with Kate, after which we joined Court and Sean at the cricket. Then we had fabulous risotto at Kieran & Jill's.

Today.....well, I'd like to go for a walk or a run. The band is filling in for another group at my favourite venue and time --- park in the western suburbs at sunset --- THIS MEANS PICNIC. I love picnics a whole bunch. So that's where I'll be come 5 o'clock. Seven hours until I'm there... maybe I'll make some picnic food today...

This morning has been spent hunting down new music to listen to. I was after something poppy and I'm right into Fountains of Wayne at the mo, so I checked out similar artists on AMG. I listened to a LOT. None of it really floated my boat.

I finally admitted to it being a fruitless hunt and listened to The Wellingtons on their myspace page. Maybe it was fruitful, because I think that was the sound I was looking for today: sticky sweet and poppy. Oooooh yeah......now I gotta buy the album.

Monday, February 1, 2010

back to work

Six weeks of holidays was starting to feel like too much. I was being so lazy: waking up late, watching tv for hours and hours, not doing anything around the house. I enjoyed spending time with friends and family whenever I wanted and I enjoyed visiting my sister in Yallingup. But I have missed the sense of accomplishment I get from spending a day at work.

I never thought I would feel that way, but it makes sense with the type of person I am. I’m a procrastinator. Actually, that’s probably why I work in a job where I have to be in certain places at certain times. The timetable forces me to work.

Tomorrow is the first school day of 2010. I have to admit that I really do love the first week back. I love seeing all the tiny, new year 8s and it’s amazing to see how much the other kids have grown during the holidays. I like the freshness of the first week. My brain and arms grow weary because each class consists of the teacher explaining the course for the year, but it’s a good way to get back into it after six sign-free weeks.

Sooooo……today. The weather is beautiful: sunny, with a cool breeze. I want to go and get a new travel mug from The Good Store and I’m going to bake cupcakes to take to work tomorrow for morning tea.

It’s funny how it seems that I’ve spent years rejecting the idea of being good friends with the people I work with. I’ve really kept them separate from my ‘real’ friends. “They’re just my colleagues”. But in the past six months or so, I’ve started to embrace the idea of them being some of the closest friends I have. We don’t spend weekends together. I see them once every holiday break. We spend seven hours a day, five days a week, forty weeks a year together. That’s a fair amount of time. We discuss a lot of different things. They’re the only people that truly understand my job – which seems to mean a lot. I’m not sure why. I think that for us to have our job in common is more important than it is in other lines of work. Perhaps. It seems to be a stronger bond.

I also have to take my nail polish off today.

Saturday, January 23, 2010

Mornings.

I love mornings SO much. Morning is definitely my favourite time of day. All my friends are night owls and they call me a nanna when I go to bed hours before they do.

I don't mind. I love waking early, when the day is fresh and cool. Everything is quiet.

This morning I drove to the Subi farmers' market. I fell in love with it last Saturday and decided that I'd have to make the drive again this week. I filled my bag with fruit, veg, a vegetarian quiche for dinner and almond croissants for breakfast. Then I bought a coffee for the drive home.

I wanted to stay and sit under the tree to drink my coffee and eat my croissant, but I was by myself and I would have preferred the company of a friend.

These feelings prompted a long daydream of living in Subiaco with all my friends and family living nearby, and we'd meet each week at the markets to sit under the tree and drink coffee, eat breakfast calzones or croissants and discuss the week that had just been.

I was thinking about that for the whole drive home, whilst I was sipping my (really well made) coffee and singing along with Panic At The Disco.

Now I'm sitting in the backyard, enjoying the morning sounds, sneaking peeks at my cat snoozing in the garden bed and writing this blog.

Mornings are the best.

Sunday, January 17, 2010

Sunday Sunday

Things I'm happy about today:

Sleeping well last night.

Planting a roma tomato bush upside down.

Court coming home from Esperance.

Going to the outdoor cinema tonight to see (500) Days of Summer with a friend I haven't seen in months.

Eating delicious leftovers.

My garden looking greener.

*********

I've been a fair bit unmotivated in the exercise department recently. It's really hard to get outside and be active when the temperature is up around 38/39/40 every day. I chose a couple of cooler days last week to get into the garden. I was super glad to be cleaning it up and making it look nice.

I think I'm looking forward to holidays being over and me being back at work so I can exercise in the early morn when it's cool, or in the evening when I've finished work.

Sunday, January 10, 2010

Facebook bra colour debacle.

The Facebook status bra colour schtick was a new low in faux advocacy.

That was tweeted by someone I follow. I agree. I voiced my opinion to the person who forwarded the bra colour thing to me on Facebook and they weren't happy about it.

In fact, I called the whole thing 'retarded'. That was a very lazy word choice I made. I should have thought for another few seconds and come up with something a bit more mature.

Aside from the poor word choice, I'm feeling bad for expressing my opinion. Is it because I was a little bit smug in mentioning my own fund-raiser when responding to the person who was flabbergasted by me calling their 'efforts' retarded? Yes. I'd say so. It's also my use of inverted commas when I talk about their efforts for breast cancer.

I'm supposed to be all about the love this year. I've been spouting love talk to everyone. But I can't even button my lip and ignore a bra colour call on Facebook. Instead, I chose to go nuts about how stupid I thought it was. That's not showing love to the person who sent it.

I feel like such a dick.

I even signed my name for the Charter for Compassion. I don't seem to be showing compassion very well though.

To sum up my thoughts right now: I should have chosen better words to express my point of view and I should have done so in a calmer manner.

Saturday, January 2, 2010

Inspiration

I'm feeling motivated and inspired this morning, so I thought I'd blog about it. I may need to read it and remind myself in a few days.

This year is all about the love. Showing appreciation, gratitude and love for everything I have and for my family and friends. Love for the environment (at large and in my own home) and for the communities I am a part of. Love for my own mind and body.

If anyone reads this I'm pretty sure you'll be close to vomiting in your mouth a little.....if you do, you'll need to swallow it back down and embrace my loving words! You'll feel better for it!