Do do do do do

So many things to do. It's nap time, as it so often is when I put something on this blog. I have a long list of things that need to get done today and I have a secret, unwritten list of things I would prefer to do today. Like, start buying Christmas presents. Going for a walk/run (a ralk). Eating.

Since my last update, I've been diagnosed with coeliac disease. I'm fairly asymptomatic, so I haven't noticed much difference in me since I started eating gluten free a couple of weeks ago, but apparently it can take years to feel better. And who knows if I will? This is my 'normal' and it seems fine to me (not sick, not sore), but maybe I am more tired than I should be. So that's a whole new thing to learn. Gluten is in a whole bunch of things - not just bread, pasta, cakes, pastries, biscuits. It's also in sauces, marinades, spice mixes, Vegemite. I'm learning to read labels like a pro. We haven't tackled eating out yet, but that will come in the next month or so.

I'm not sad about it, really. At first I was. I was shocked at the idea of never eating these things ever again in my life ever. I will miss croissants the most. Now I'm trying to focus on the positives - there are some really decent gluten free things out there and I may not die of bowel cancer. Also, it's not like I've been given a death sentence. I can still consume many of my favourite things: wine, cheese, coffee, chocolate. It's not a bad thing - it's just learning a new way of eating.

I had some other things planned to write here, but I'm going to stop procrastinating and start doing some things that I need to. Well done, Jane!

Just quickly though, Daniel is 1 next week. One! Time marches on.

At the moment....

Didn't I say I'd be back on here in a few hours? Ha. Weeks is a bit more realistic. It's quiet time and I've found myself in a house with minimal dirty dishes, clean floors, a load of dirty washing (but it's raining out and the indoor racks are full of wet washing) and a husband who will cook dinner when he gets home from work. So, here I am and I thought I'd make a note of a few current things. I'm:

Watching Downton Abbey season 2, new Dexter and re-runs of Modern Family. After a long day (every day), I'm not really into watching films. I get tired pretty quickly and I like to watch something that I don't have to pay too much attention to.... Downton Abbey is about as talky and in-depth as my viewing gets at the moment.

Listening to not much really, apart from ABC local radio. I like the topics they talk about and there aren't as many incensed crazies as other talkback stations.

Loving our family, life, my friends and many, many more things. Our kids are at a wonderful stage at the moment. I mean, they're all wonderful stages, but neither of us can stop commenting on how great our kids are. Doesn't that make you sick? I know - even I hate it. I've been enjoying the little moments throughout the day, which is very satisfying. Each day as a whole is fairly unremarkable, but each little snippet is heartening.

Eating some terrible food. Terrible for me, not terrible tasting. I've been quite slack in terms of watching what I eat, but that may all change soon, so I suppose I'm having a sort of fat last hurrah.... It's delicious.

Missing exercise. I've had a few colds this year and the current one has lasted a couple of weeks. I would be running running running right now if I didn't have this ridiculous cough. I'm pretty miffed about it too, because I can feel it getting closer to October (Tough Mudder) and I'm nowhere near fit enough yet.

Looking forward to a trip down south this weekend. We're going to visit my parents for a couple of nights. It's been ages since my husband has been able to get away with us, so I'm pretty glad about this one. Sophie loves going there too, because she gets unlimited grandparent time.

I was going to let my sleeping blog lie....

.... but I really should update things, because I'm enjoying reading back over my past entries. I don't have time to do it now though: one child is asleep and the other is occupied, so now is the perfect time to get dressed and write my shopping list.... Maybe I'll get back here during nap time today? We shall see. It's baby food making day (ughhhh), so I'll be confined to the kitchen for most of it. We might try and get out in the backyard for a spot of sunshine and weeding too.

Here's now

Lately I've been aware of every little moment. Present. But I've also realised that I will have forgotten most of it by the following day. Or two minutes later.

My days are so busy and when I do finally get to stop and breathe, it's bed time. I've never known busy before now.

 In this entry I want to write about my life now, because I'm sure I'll forget. I want to read it and reflect in a year or so. And longer. So this is just so I can remember what things were like, because life is good. Very good. There are other things I want, but for now they are a list in the notes section of my phone - they're on hold - because I'm parenting full time for the next few years. And also we have no money. That's a situation that probably won't improve as the kids get older.

Dan is 8 and a half weeks old. He's a relaxed little boy. He smiles when he hears my voice enter the room or sees me smiling at him. The smiling thing is still new for him, so he has to work hard to get it happening. He also likes to have conversations. I don't think I had ever heard a baby actually coo before him. He's a cooer. He is starting to sleep for longer stretches at night. Last night holds the current record of 6 and a half hours. I got four and a half hours in a row, the longest in the past couple of months. Just lovely.

Sophie is nearly 22 months old. She's saying lots of words. Better stop swearing soon. I called myself a dick the other day and she repeated it. She has discovered Play School and has a love for the Hokey Pokey. She doesn't seem to enjoy sleeping in at the moment. We've had some pretty early starts, which equate to a pretty cranky toddler by mid-morning. Soph is really into climbing things and running. She runs up and down the side of the house when I'm hanging out the washing. She also LOVES going to the park. It's become a bit of a hobby of mine to find a park with a good playground that's accessible for little kids. Lately, she enjoys talking to (listening to, really) people on the phone. She always wants to call Kate or Amma.

 I have a really good group of friends in our playgroup. They're all lovely families and I feel very lucky that I have them in my life. In fact, I don't know what I'd do if I had stopped going to mothers group all those months ago. It's nice to have friends around the corner that are going through the same things as I am. I think about moving to a different suburb and for once in my life, I wouldn't care about the location as far as re-sale value goes. But I don't want to move away from my friends.

 I got the sewing machine out last night (for the first time since Dan was born) to make a start on Christmas presents. I sewed to seams and Dan woke up. I spent an hour and a half putting him back to bed and then sewed a little bit more. I didn't finish it (and it is the simplest project in the world), but it felt good to do it again.

Home. Life.

Well. I finally have both kids in bed, sleeping, for the first time in a week. I love getting this middle-of-the-day break and I have been cranky that I haven't had it for a few days. What am I doing with it? Eating pumpkin pie with double cream, drinking Coke Zero and updating my tired old blog.

This past week has been a doozy. Just crazy. Hard. But let me start back about five and a half weeks. That amount of time ago, I gave birth to our second child. A boy named Daniel. He is the sweetest little thing. And - a boy! We assumed we'd have another girl.

And you know, I was so scared about coping with two kids, but it's been alright. I just get on and do what I have to do. Which is feeding and clothing and bathing and putting to bed. The house is a mess, but I've managed dinner and the children each day, which is all I'm really worried about. So I was settling into this routine-that-isn't-a-routine (because newborns don't follow any sort of schedule) quite well, I thought, until last week.

 Fast forward to the beginning of last week. Our little boy was circumcised on Tuesday night. After much thought and discussion we decided that it was what we wanted to do. He was in a bit of pain that evening and was unsettled all night. I didn't realise how guilty I would feel for doing this 'thing' to him and I felt so sorry every time I changed his nappy and saw his little bloody wad of cotton wool. He also started to show symptoms of reflux that evening. So, that set us up for a week of sleepless nights and cranky days. We bought some reflux formula and that has helped a bit and we've just started on Losec (prescribed) yesterday. Hopefully that will start working in the next day or so.

Sleep-deprived, grumpy, feeling guilty for yelling at our daughter so much and I made the decision yesterday to stop breastfeeding. It was going really well for the first month, but since the reflux showed up, he's been pulling off during let-down and dribbling a lot of milk too, so I end up with a big wet patch. I bored the shit out of everyone I know by asking their opinion on what I should do (quit or keep going when the Losec kicks in) and the most succinct advice came from my Breastfeeding Champion friend (she's had two kids and breastfeeds like a motherfucker, with absolutely no issues - she was made for it): "People breastfeed because it's easier, right? If it's not easier for you, then stop". So that's what I've decided to do. I'm still feeling guilty about this decision - why is it so difficult for me to follow my own advice for others and do whatever works?!

Now, today. I haven't managed to shower in between getting the kids fed, ready to go to the park and holding Dan upright so he doesn't cry. We eventually made it to the park at 11.30. At 12.30, Sophie and I went down the slide together and her foot got caught under my leg. She cried all the way home. She won't stand or walk on it. I've put her to bed for her afternoon nap with some Panadol and I'm hoping she wakes up feeling better.

Right this moment, I can hear Dan stirring. I'm guzzling Coke Zero. I have huge, engorged breasts and I'm putting off the inevitable hand express to ease the pain. My husband left the house at 8.30 this morning and won't get back until 2 tomorrow morning. I'm looking forward to a shower tonight. I have a huge list of things to do and no expectation that I'll get more than one or two things crossed off it today.

I don't want to be that person...

My blog needs a makeover. I've changed a fair bit since I started it, I think. Anyway - no time for that now. I've just been sitting idle while my daughter sleeps and she'll be up soon, so I'd better hammer out this post. I haven't written in such a long time. Whenever I get the urge to, I feel that I shouldn't, because it will always be read by someone who doesn't agree or who may actively disagree. This shouldn't matter so much, but I hate the inflammatory side of my personality. So. Today's post is going to be a little bit inflammatory, but I'll try and keep it mature and well-worded. I read a lot of blogs. Mostly about cooking and lifestyle. The blogs I follow are written so well and they make me wish that I could write like that, although I'm not sure I'd want that sort of following. I do like the 'diary' aspect of it. My issue with a couple of blogs is how sunshiney each post is. Even the posts that aren't supposed to be so positive end up being super saccharine.It drives me nuts. I want to leave a comment afterwards that says: "It's okay to have a bad day!", but then, I don't want to be that person. I hate it when people talk about the birth of their child as a harrowing or difficult experience and then discuss the day-to-day parenting of said child as glorious and magical..... Really?! You haven't had a bad day since the kid was born? Come on. Well, my child has just woken, so I must continue my glitter-filled Thursday. It is actually a pretty good day.

Current rambling

I read a blog post recently about feeling valued and worthwhile as a homemaker. It was pretty inspiring. I'm trying to think of it whenever I'm doing housework, so I take more pride and I consider it less of a chore and more as a part of my role. This works well when my daughter is having a good day and isn't tired and grumpy..... Tired and grumpy days are a lot more trying! It's hard to do anything when a crying toddler won't let go of your legs or let you put them down. So, there isn't really much to this post. I never know what direction to head in. I've taken up sewing. The old dining room is halfway converted into a sewing room and it will be a great space when it's finished. I really want to start making patchwork quilts (as if I wasn't old lady enough!), but I'm holding off for a couple of years until I have two kids that sleep through the night (touch wood). It's on the same list as learning the banjo. I might start small with patchwork cushion covers now....maybe.